Everything comes to an end
by simply-a-freak
Summary: I wish I could hold you close to me once again, hold you in my arms once more, wrap them around you and keep you there, safe from everything around us, safe from L, from Near, from Kira, safe from the Mafia you left me to join, safe from yourself Mello..


Sometimes I wish I could see you again, have you right here next to me, close to me. I dream of it, long for the moment you come back to me, the moment when I'll be able to feel alive again, feel complete. Knowing you for all that time Mello, I felt whole, absolutely great, and after your left, I never felt the same again, there was always that emptiness within me, that nagging hole in my heart and mind, reminding over and over that it would never be the same now that you're gone, you can't go back to live normally when you know for a fact that you're not really that whole, complete or perfect anymore..

I always wonder how you are now, if you're dead or alive, probably the former, because you have never been one to take care of yourself, always taking chances, always foolishly following the path you choose no matter how dangerous. Or perhaps you're alive, somewhere out there, you must've grown like I did, changed physically, my imagination tries to picture the possible versions of a twenty one year old Mello, and I chuckle at the possibility of you having the same hair cut as you did back when we were kids.

I wish I could hold you close to me once again, hold you in my arms once more, wrap them around you and keep you there, safe from everything around us, safe from L, from Near, from Kira, safe from the Mafia you left me to join..safe from yourself Mello.. Oh I wish I could hug you tightly like I used to, even though you always shoved me away, or hit me upside the head, or held your fist back, about to punch me, but you never did, I wonder why that was, Mello. There was only one time you let me hug you and nuzzle your neck, trying to capture that single moment, the last time I see you, and guard it like a treasure in my heart, and you let me, you hugged my back even kissed the top of my head, promising me that you'll be back, I didn't believe you back then, but I nodded and finally stepped away from you.

I reach for your picture, I see you smile, your eyes shining, determination and challenge, that's what they always reflect, along with a strong personality and a stubborn yet brilliant mind, your laugh echoes around the empty almost unfurnished room, and then you're talking, a deep masculine voice finds its way to my ears and I can't hold back the smile that curls up my lips. I want to remember this, I want to keep it like a tattoo to my mind, just as much as I want to forget you, forget how happy I was when I played with you, talked to you, wrestled with you..

My finger tips meet the computer screen, not the soft skin of your cheek I had hoped for. I stare at it for a moment, as I fall back into reality, you aren't here, you are not with me, not laughing, I'm not caressing your cheek, I'm not whole.

I sigh dropping my hand to the mouse and clicking pause on the video, your laughing figure freezes at the moment where you were ruffling my hair with one arm around my neck, keeping my head down. I sigh running a gloved hand though my hair in frustration. This is what it's like to want something you can't have.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around to find you standing behind me smiling softly. Your lips part, and I know you're about to apologize again, I tell you that it's alright, that I just remembered how things were before you came to find me, you sigh and look back at me with piercing blue eyes, analyzing my words, then suddenly you're grabbing me by the front of my shirt, pulling me up. I'm scared for a second, confused, I'm lost as to why you're mad at me, or are you? A river of questions pass by your lips, you don't even give me the time to answer, asking why I'm naïve, why I've forgiven you, why I'm here with you again, why I took you back.. It's ridiculous that the answer to all those is because I'm yours Mello, always have been, always will be.  
>I think I realized that the moment we first spoke, you've had that fire in your eyes, that fire that I believe will never be put down, you claimed me without knowing it, and I accepted it. I'd accept death if you asked me, I wouldn't even blink or question you..<p>

Your eyes bore into mine, and you clench my shirt tighter, pulling me closer to you, I find myself lost in your azure eyes, I can't look away if I wanted to, but I don't, I miss them, I miss your eyes, I miss everything about you. Here we are, a blond gripping the front of his friend's shirt, being all aggressive, and pulling him up, and the gamer simply staring at the other's eyes, wishing that he didn't wear those goggles so that he'd be able to see the man's blue orbs. I quickly wonder if we've ever really grown up, it seems like it was just yesterday when you held me like this, then let me hug you..then simply walked away..  
>You frown and I smile, you pull me closer to you, and I hold my hand up to your chest, resting it above your heart, not to push you away, but simply placing it there, I can feel it beating under my palm, and I see you look down at it, then back at me, your eyes widen then narrow—I've always enjoyed those expressions of yours, I've never seen anyone with the ability to change expressions that quickly, those mixed feelings, confusing you probably don't even understand yourself—Suddenly your loud questions and shouts turn into whispers as you pull me even closer by the shirt, so close your breath mixes with mine and I stop breathing, the smile dropping from my lips as I realize that you're leaning closer to me. I almost faint as you fall silent and your lips brush against my own. I can't find the strength to hold myself still, my knees weaken, but your strong grip on shirt keeps me held up. Our lips are lightly pressed together now, none of us moving, or breathing at all for that matter, my heart is beating fast in my ears, almost at the same time as yours that is pounding quickly under my palm.<p>

Your eyes are tightly shut and mine are now half lidded, as I move my lips against yours, clenching your shirt under my hand as well, I suppose I'm afraid you'll pull away regretting this, or you shove me away but you don't. You open your eyes slightly and the grip on my shirt loosens, as you kiss me back gently, the kiss does not reflect you, not the tough badass Mello I know, but I'm not complaining, I decide I like this side of you as your hand finds its way to the back of my neck, feeling the heated skin..

Suddenly you're not here, touching me, your lips pressed to mine, I feel cold, looking at the screen again, unable to hold back the pained tears that fall onto my cheeks.  
>That could have happened had you came back.<br>Had I possessed the courage to tell you before you left.  
>Had you stayed to begin with..<br>If I wasn't such a coward, if you weren't such a selfish bastard.  
>If I didn't love you so god damned much, perhaps I would have had the heart to keep you by my side, or to follow you, like I should..<p>

But that's not going to happen Mells, you've forgotten about me..  
>Moved on, was I simply a friend you can leave behind and never think about again?<p>

I close my eyes sighing deeply, then I open them as I hear the buzzing of my phone, I always hope it's you, every time I look at it, that is my only hope, I'm human Mello, but I'm still hanging here; hanging to a hope that you might come back.  
>I look at the number, from Japan apparently, I know Near is in Japan..<br>In case you're alive, you probably are as well.

I clench the phone in my palm.  
>Stand up, walk to the balcony, quickly glancing at your image on the computer screen.<br>I look up at the sky, the phone still buzzing in my hand, I take a deep breath.  
>Hold my arm back.<br>Throw the phone down the 6th floor of this building.  
>And I decide, you've controlled my every thought for too long.<br>..And you know..Everything has an end.


End file.
